Tish’s Benedictine

This recipe has a distinguished pedigree; I got it from ex-pat Kentuckian Lynn Tucker, who got it from Tish Clark of Prestonsburg, KY, her amendment of the one in Kentucky’s Best, Fifty Years of Great Recipes by Linda Allison Lewis.

Lynn said, “Years ago, certain bakeries in Louisville used to bake pink and green loaves of bread just for these popular finger sandwiches, a staple at Derby parties, weddings, showers, and appropriate funerals,” which leaves me wondering what an inappropriate funeral would be.

1 8 oz Philadelphia cheese, softened
1 tablespoon of mayonnaise
3 tablespoons of grated cucumber, drained well with a paper towel
1 teaspoon finely chopped green onions with tops
1 teeny tiny drop of green food coloring (the color should be delicate)
a dash or two of Tabasco

“Blend all ingredients together and mix well. Yield: 10-12 servings (I multiply by eight.) You may serve this on trimmed bread as finger sandwiches or as a dip. Please note there is not a single drop of Benedictine liqueur used in this recipe!”

“I like to make a nice pile of these sandwiches on a silver tray lined with a paper doily and garnished with a few cucumber slices and parsley. (Cover with a damp paper towel so your sandwiches don’t dry out and curl before serving. Refresh as necessary.) I also put out big crystal bowl of pimento cheese with Carr’s crackers, celery stalks, and salty peanuts to encourage drinking and deviled eggs to prevent or at least stall off utter drunkenness.”

Quick Summer Pickles

Slice or cube young cucumbers, squash, or green tomatoes. Pack into jars. Mix water and vinegar 2:1 with a tablespoon each salt and sugar per cup of liquid. A little garlic is a nice touch. Heat and stir until dissolved, cool, and pour over vegetables, with enough liquid to cover. Seal and shake a time or two. Refrigerate overnight before serving.

Tomato Appetizers

These are ethereal, best assembled immediately before serving and do not keep at all. For thirty to forty people, fry to a crisp and crumble 1 pound bacon and mix with a cup each of mayo and finely-chopped green onion. Season with Tony’s, spread on rounds of bread and top with drained tomato slices dusted with salt and dill.

Cucumber Sandwiches

Dear Ones,

Summer has come, so you must brush up on cucumber sandwiches. These dainties are among the noshes mandated for those incredibly fussy high teas you read about in rapacious Edwardian novels. Similarly, we serve cucumber sandwiches for gatherings where ostensible decorum rules; social luncheons, a patio cocktail hour, and of course the inevitable funeral. Note cucumber sandwiches at a kegger are the epitome of gauche.

Do not use those bloated green zeppelins from the local grocery; go to the farmers’ market and select good fresh cukes. If you can find a firm yellow one, cherish it’s sweetness. Partially peel fruit, refrigerate for an hour, and drain well before use.

Trim bread–no crusts, please–and cut to size. Top with a spread of cream cheese and mayonnaise 3:1, lime or lemon juice, white pepper, and salt. Top with cucumber and cool.