Candy Corn Krispies

Rice Krispies Treats are the American version of marzipan, easily molded into such things as teddy bears, clowns, and the inevitable boobs and balls. This clever little innovation is fun to make, just cute as can be, and a great Halloween treat. Please read through this recipe first; you need to know what you’re doing before you make it.

For the outer yellow ring use 5 cups Rice Krispies, 5 cups miniature marshmallows, and a quarter stick butter with yellow food coloring; for the middle orange ring, 3 cups Rice Krispies, 3 cups miniature marshmallows, and a quarter stick of butter, with orange food coloring; and for the white center, 2 cups Rice Krispies, 2 cups miniature marshmallows, and a quarter stick of butter.

For each ring, combine marshmallows and butter, and microwave for about 3 minutes, stirring after a minute or so, until blended. Stir in food coloring; you don’t need much, only a few drops of yellow and a couple of yellow and red for the orange. Pour over the cereal, coat your hands with butter and mix the marshmallows into the cereal with your fingers until the color is uniform.

Working quickly, divide each color batch in two, then beginning on the outside of greased 8 in. cake tins, make your rings: yellow first, then orange, then the white center. Keep them an even width. Press the cereal/marshmallow mixture into the pan to ensure they stick together and make them a consistent thickness. Let the rings set for thirty minutes, then turn out on a cutting board and slice first in half, then into quarters, then into eight even wedges. Store with waxed paper between layers.

Cat Shit Cookies

Let me go on record as saying that the most important cookbook you’re going to give any female relative Of a Certain Age is going to be Jill Conner Browne’s The Sweet Potato Queen’s Big-Ass Cookbook (and Financial Planner).

This work is not so much a cookbook as it is an exercise in sheer, unadulterated attitude, a book about living life to its fullest, and the recipes are more often than not wonderful and indulgent. This is where I first ran up on what polite people (“cough”) call “cat poop” cookies. They’re great for Halloween and kid’s parties until someone sneaks a real one in. Here’s Jill’s recipe:

“Just put 1 stick butter, 1/2 cup cocoa, 2 cups sugar, and ‘/2 cup milk in a pan and cook it just until it bubbles a little bit around the sides. Then take it off the heat and dump in 3 cups Quick Oatmeal, ‘/2 cup peanut butter, and I running. over teaspoon vanilla. Stir it up and drop globs of it onto waxed paper and let it cool. (Cooling is optional.)”

Serve in a shallow pan over crushed cereal or nuts. Provide a slotted spoon for scooping.

Pumpkin Juice for Muggles

Everyone under forty—and a great many over—know that the best pumpkin juice comes from London Pumpkins & Sons, who have been making the beverage since 1837. We also know that this company is in the London of Harry Potter’s Wizarding World, which makes it unavailable to us Muggles. However, I have it on good authority that this recipe comes from the bountiful kitchen of Molly Weasley, who passed it on to her daughter, Ginny Potter, who shared it with her Muggle buddies. Pumpkin juice is served over ice at any meal and at special events. Mix very well 2 cups pumpkin puree and 32 ounces peach nectar with a gallon of apple cider. Stir in 2 teaspoons cinnamon and 1 teaspoon ginger. A dusting of nutmeg before serving is a nice touch.