According to my buddy Ernest from Yazoo City, crypto-hominoid sightings are on the upswing in Mississippi.
This phenomenon is nothing new, of course; these elusive creatures have been seen as far north as Winona and as far south as Pelahatchie, where a specimen was seen to steal a dish antenna and a tackle box from a trailer park. Most sightings seem confined to gravel roads either very late at night or in the wee hours of the morning, but Ernest claims that he has exclusive footage of one raiding a Frito-Lay van in Greenwood during broad daylight. He has yet to show it to me, but he says it looks like a bald orangutan in a Saints jersey throwing orange confetti.
These creatures deserve our respect and compassion; let’s not invade their privacy with visual recording devices or endanger them by alerting law enforcement personnel. We should instead support their presence in this world we share.
Me, I keep a six-pack of Bud Light on the back porch in case a thirsty one comes by.